Episode 106: Self-Loathing
For anyone who has tried, it’ll come as no surprise that bullying ourselves into weight loss rarely works and is even more rarely sustainable. That’s why Molly is offering a pair of Weight Loss for Food-Lovers episodes examining the counter-productiveness of self-loathing (Part I) and the power of self-love (Part II).
When Molly takes on a new client, the initial focus is always on locating and deconstructing poisonous thoughts. Self-loathing (and its close cousins self-punishment, self-judgment and self-recrimination) does not inspire change. Sustained weight loss, Molly has found, is rooted in a deep-rooted embrace of our truest selves. That’s why identifying “self-indulgent” emotions that perpetuate self-defeating cycles is at the top of Molly’s coaching agenda.
“If someone tries to lose weight while indulging in self-loathing, they’re not going to succeed long-term,” says Molly. To the contrary, that mentality usually sets us up for a yo-yo cycle that’s all too familiar; one in which we undertake punishing diets, feel depleted and deprived, rebel and ultimately give up the effort altogether. Anyone who has been there (which is most all of us!) will welcome Molly’s fresh take on how to get off this merry-go-round. Stay tuned for her next episode, all about substituting the power of self-love for the dead-end that is self-loathing.
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· Feelings are always the fuel for our actions, which is why knowing how to process them is so key to weight loss (not to mention a connected life).
· You can bully yourself into pursuing goals for a while, but it makes the task unpleasant and very often unsustainable.
· How’s your motivation? Are those New Year’s resolutions still going strong? If your momentum has slowed, are you responding with self-loathing? If that’s the case, it’s unlikely to work!
· About a predictable cycle: Strict dieting leads to deprivation leads to irritability and rebellion leads to poor food choices, self-loathing and giving up altogether.
· Self-loathing not only undermines weight loss, it can prompt outright rebellion at the notion that you’re not thin enough, not perfect enough, not whole enough. It’s the pre-cursor to that all-too-familiar yo-yo cycle.
· Molly’s coach taught her that self-loathing is actually what’s called a “self-indulgent emotion,” feelings that keep us stuck and going in circles.
· You know that you’re indulging in self-loathing if you’re:
o Feeling terrible about yourself.
o Feeling shame or guilt on an ongoing basis.
o Feeling constantly unworthy or not good enough.
o Constantly agreeing with your inner critic.
· It’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of this kind of thought, going nowhere, if you don’t have the benefit of the kind of thought work and awareness a coach can provide.
· Molly’s coaching teaches us how to hold our own hands and lift ourselves up – and beyond – self-punishing attitudes and feelings.
· Keys to dealing with self-loathing:
o Develop self-awareness around how thought patterns aren’t serving.
o Recognize that self-loathing undermines your relationship with yourself.
· We have to disrupt well-worn neural-pathways bathed in self-loathing, substituting fresh ones fueled by self-love. That’s what Part II of this series will address!
· “(Dieting) looks a lot like punishment when you’re coming from a place of self-loathing.”
· “Happiness isn’t coming from the number on the scale or reaching your goal weight or the size of the jeans you fit into. Happiness comes from how you think about it.”
· “There are always negative emotions that result from indulgent emotions.”
· “When you’re already coming from a place of self-loathing, you’re going to continue to kick yourself when you’re down and inevitably you will end up overeating or going back to old habits.”
· “What you really need is to hold you own hand and pull yourself up.”
· “If someone tries to lose weight while indulging in self-loathing, they’re not going to succeed long-term.”
Links & Resources
Subscribe to Molly’s email list and request her free 6-Point Guide to Kickstarting Weight:
Sign-up for a free discovery call at https://www.mollyzemek.com/bookings-checkout/free-discovery-call/book
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